Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Quiet

Okay, so I have been quiet here for a while. I haven't quite figured out what I can say and what I cannot say. I feel right now I am caught between two egos. I need things for my film and it's always like someone is trying to talk me into something.
At one point I was asked what it was that I wanted and I was like, you know what? I can't remember because all I can hear is you telling me what you want- on both sides. I spend so much time trying not to get bullied. Make up your mind guys. Do you hate the fact that people try to bully me or that I won't let you do it? Can't have it both ways cause you bully in a more subtle, palatable, less noticable way.
I hate the giant game of manipulation all the time. I hate that I have to manipulate back. Why is it so much work to get the prelimiaries out of the way. I produce myself so that I can keep creative control, but people still try to push you around. I like collaboration. I hate bullshit.
So I have been quiet because I don't know what to say. I'm scared, I'm ambitious and I am desperate to get things done well. That is really all I want to do is get things done well.
At some point, things should be less difficult, right?
I know that there is probably a point to the suffering. It teaches me, right?
I have pushed my shoot dates up one month because of all this crap. I hate it, but it had to be done. At this point, I am grateful for more time. I need it.
The other thing that is going on is that we have finally reached an agreement on the house. We have a purchase price, we have a loan officer, we have finished negotiating over who pays for what.
We begin signing contracts this week. I guess the best part is we don't have to move. We're buying the house we live in.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

Okay, let's try this again--

Yep, the monks say that "life is suffering" is the first of the four noble truths :) So I guess this means that you are on your way to enlightenment! ;)
http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/fourtruths.html

I think that it is a good thing that you gave yourself the extra time that you needed for your shoot. That is wisdom, Miss V. You certainly wouldn't want to just push it through haphazardly, you know? :)

YAY! You found a place! You guys have been searching forever. Indeed, it is a good thing that you won't have to deal with a move either. Whew! I bet that was a relief :)

OM shanti,
Jen