Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Someone else's insecurity

This is directed at a particular person but if any part of it touches anyone else, and you see yourself in there, I hope it helps the process.
I've been feeling bad about a few things lately and I think I am done with them taking up space in my brain. First of all, I'm not going to feel bad about my excellent education and the brilliant family I was born into.
If you did not have said excellent education, this does not make you lesser than me and I don't look down on you. I should only have to say that once, and my actions have clearly showed that my whole life. I was never the kind of girl to make you feel bad because you didn't go to college and I am done justifying that.
If you feel bad about your own situation, then go to school, don't try to make me feel bad because I worked my ass off to get my education. This is something I am proud of because I earned it. It wasn't handed to me. I paid for it and I valued it and I worked for it.
And even if I hadn't, the fact that you feel bad about yourself is only something I can have sympathy for, not something I should be shamed or marked with. That is now and forever- your problem.
Second- I am not an intimidating person. I'm intelligent, well read and well educated but I am warm and down to earth and I don't make you feel stupid. You do that all by yourself. I did not invalidate your opinion, you did that all on your own. If I don't agree with you, that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't have respect for what you think, I just don't agree. I have the same hopes, fears and anxieties as any other human being.
I spent my life honing the skill of talking to people on their level with their language so that they feel comfortable and if you are feeling uncomfortable because of my background or my education or someone in my family who had money, that is not my problem.
Do you think that I have never been intimidated by someone?
I'm done apologizing for your insecurities. I have my own to deal with and I have done all I can to make you feel comfortable. Have you done as much for me? Why is it that I am the one who should step out of my comfort zone for you?
I do it every single time. I don't mind. I like people. I find value in every person I have met, rich or poor, educated or not. I don't have standards like that for my friends. This is a skill I have and I am happy with it and proud of it. I didn't miss out on that person because I wouldn't talk to him or her for some petty reason.
I sincerely hope that you figure out all of this very soon because my patience with you is at an end. I felt sad, then I felt rejected, then I felt desperate and now I am done feeling all of those things. If you miss out on my friendship, that is your problem, too. At this point what I am feeling, finally is angry that you could treat our friendship like this.
I am thinking now that I have the power to be done with you right now and that if at the end of your hissy fit, if I am not there, you will have brought this on yourself.


Contra Yogini said...

I agree with this entire post wholeheartedly! One of my main issues in life is harshly (and perhaps unfairly) judging privileged people. Although you come from a more upper class background and you have highly accomplished people in your family, I never once felt that you looked down on me or anyone else. You truly are warm and down to earth. I hope this friend takes heart and apologizes for causing this rift. If not, more Vanessa time for me! :)

Contra Yogini said...

Duh, you are highly accomplished yourself, too! I egregiously failed to mention that :) :) :)

Anand Rathore said...

hi, its too personal post to comment , but its like open letter and i felt someone like me talking from you...my views and opinions are very similar ..thats it