The day to day adventures of a girl who refused to give up her dream!
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Brad Pitt didn't write this either...
I keep seeing this essay being circulated on facebook called "The Secret of Love". It's being credited to Brad Pitt and it is supposedly written about his fiance (not wife) Angelina Jolie. It's not written by him. Snopes and other sources have confirmed this, and it has been published before it was credited to Brad.
But my issue isn't this. It's the essay itself I have a REAL problem with.
I'm going to copy it below and then what follows will be me explaining why this bothers me so much.
Secret of Love
My wife got sick. She was constantly nervous because of problems at work, personal life, her failures and problems with children. She has lost 30 pounds and weighted about 90 pounds in her 35 years. She got very skinny, and was constantly crying. She was not a happy woman. She had suffered from continuing headaches, heart pain and jammed nerves in her back and ribs. She did not sleep well, falling asleep only in the morning and got tired very quickly during the day. Our relationship was on the verge of break up. Her beauty was leaving her somewhere, she had bags under her eyes, she was poking her head, and stopped taking care of herself. She refused to shoot the films and rejected any role. I lost hope and thought that we’ll get divorced soon ... But then I decided to act on it. After all I’ve got the most beautiful woman on the earth. She is the ideal of more than half of men and women on earth, and I was the one allowed to fall asleep next to her and to hug her shoulders. I began to pepper her with flowers, kisses and complements. I surprised her and pleased every minute. I gave her lots of gifts and lived just for her. I spoke in public only about her. I incorporated all themes in her direction. I praised her in front of her own and our mutual friends. You won’t believe, but she has blossomed. She became even better than before. She gained weight, was no longer nervous and she loved me even more than ever. I had no clue that she CAN love that much.
And then I realized one thing: "The woman is the reflection of her man"
Let me explain why this essay nauseates me. (I mean, other than the atrocious grammar and bad spelling. Complement is not the same as compliment. They are totally different words. But I digress...)
Let's begin with "My wife got sick."
If your wife is sick- LOVE won't cure her and neither will bringing her flowers. She is sick. Take her to a doctor.
Let's now go to "a woman is a reflection of her man."
Really? You cured her while holding up a mirror to yourself? How incredibly full of yourself are you?
In a relationship, we should absolutely speak lovingly and kindly of our significant others. Nurturing the relationship is the way to go. A few days ago, my husband told me in all seriousness how grateful he was for me in his life. And it brought me to tears. Because that kind of genuine expression, even though I know he loves me, is always moving to hear. I could not even speak. I had to just hug him for a minute.
Now, being in a good, stable, loving and supportive relationship makes me happy. It would make anyone happy, to be with someone who cares for you and understands you.
But I am no ones reflection and neither is he. We may bring out the best in one another and being with him may inspire me to be the best person I can be, but we are not reflections of one another. We are a team, a strong, united team that loves and supports one another. If he brought me flowers and compliments every day, it would probably get old fast.
More valuable to me is doing the dishes when I cannot lift my head. Driving our daughter to school every morning. Surprising me by making the bed. Asking how my day went. Being excited to hear my stories. Hearing the words "welcome home" and lighting up when I enter the room.
Another issue of mine in this essay "her beauty was leaving her". Then, he goes on to mention every physical aspect of her beauty being gone. In fact, this essay is primarily about the physical. She got "too skinny", she had "bags under her eyes". Guess what? If you are fortunate enough to grow old, physical beauty leaves everyone.
This idiot thinks that being nice and complimentary will get her to "take care of herself". I mean, if she is losing weight, tired all the time, has all that pallor on the skin, constant headaches, heart pain, jammed nerves (?)-- you should consider encouraging your wife to see a doctor. That sounds serious!
The cure must be... peppering her with kisses. Magic kisses that cure everything. She blossomed because he paid attention to her. Really? Women are just... not that fragile. And I don't know Angelina, but I can't see her feminist, independent, fabulous ass putting up with that for a single minute. Also, I don't believe Brad Pitt is that simpering and insulting.
Unfortunately, women all over the internet are sighing and adoring this essay. Why? Are we that desperate for attention? If that is all you think you need, ladies, kisses and compliments, flowers and public displays of affection, you are all in for a rude awakening because you all deserve SO much more than that. None of that is REAL, ladies. None of that is equal. That pampering patriarchal bullshit is the bill of goods women have been sold for a long time and it is time to wake up. It's lovely to get flowers. I hope you get them on your birthday and Valentine's Day and one day for no reason whatsoever.
But what you need is a man who knows how to operate a vacuum cleaner and change some diapers. Not sexy enough for you? I'm sorry about that.
But if he is cranky and sick, your love isn't going to cure him either.
If you truly look that sick, I hope he takes you to the doctor instead of proposing either divorce or a mirror that praises you.
So, yes, please nurture your relationships. Do all that you can to praise and love your man or woman. I think that is fabulous. But this essay- it's insulting. And I wish you all better love that that. Most of all, love yourselves better and don't settle for less than you deserve.